Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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