Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
