somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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