I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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