Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
