The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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