I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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