My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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