Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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