At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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