Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
