The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
