i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
