im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
