So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
