I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
