White coat. Heels.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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