I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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