can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
