she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
