My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
