i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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