I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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