WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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