Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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