No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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