Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
