I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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