Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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