If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
