Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
