So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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