last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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