he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
