Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
