and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
