Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
