i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
