the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
