im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
