i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
