They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You did what with his pubic hair?
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