I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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