Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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