he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
