she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
