after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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