Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
