you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The air was thick with penises
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
