I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nicole vs. Life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
