Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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