"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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