I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize