My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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