John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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