Need sex. Gaining weight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude. I can hear the air.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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