I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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