I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
