apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
