So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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