At least make sure they are 18
Why
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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