I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
