I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
