You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
