I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
