I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
