Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
