this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
