Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
