So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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