You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
