just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
