I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
