im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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