Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize