Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
