Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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