the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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