I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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